Dark Secrets of the Shire
by Puddum
Summary: (Not enough horror stories about Merry and Pippin- actually, there's none!) Pip's looking for signs of any dark secrets of the Shire via old newspapers. Merry doesn't care. Both find themselves in scary situations, soon enough...
1. Chapter 1

Note: How is it that there's no horror fics about Merry and Pippin? That's just not right! Anyway, I don't own anyone (except my little Merry and Pippin action figures!). On with the show, folks!

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Dark Secrets of the Shire

"Merry, look at this!"

Pippin had been going through old newspapers stashed away at the Great Smials, when an interesting headline caught his eye. Merry stopped smoking his pipe and took a look at the article Pippin was going on about. "_Jack the Ripper_- Pip, move your thumb." Pippin moved his thumb to reveal the words "_Proves that An Old Dog _Can_ Learn A New Trick_". Merry resumed smoking, all the while looking smug. 

"All right, so the article is about a dog! But surely something criminal has happened in the Shire!" Pippin exclaimed. He then continued to flip through the pages searching for an article to prove to his cousin that the Shire wasn't truly a peaceful place and had some deep dark secret.

Merry arched his eyebrows. "Honestly, Pippin, I can't understand your recent fascination with all this "dark secret of the Shire" nonsense! You know perfectly well that there aren't any bogies or monsters here!"

"Well, once you put it that way!" Pippin continued looking through the dusty newspaper. "But isn't there a small possibility that SOMETHING has happened that we don't know about?"

Merry put down his pipe and proceeded to help himself to Pippin's sandwich. "Well, obviously! I mean, Frodo does things all the time that we don't know about!"

Not looking up from the newspaper, Pippin reached for his sandwich, only to feel an empty plate. He didn't realize the sandwich was in Merry's clutches. "I didn't mean something like that!" Pippin looked up at Merry and lowered his voice. "I meant something paranormal…"

Merry gulped down the rest of Pippin's sandwich and grinned. "Well, I have an ingrown toenail, if you'd like to see! I'd say that's paranormal!"

Pippin rolled his eyes, grinning as well, and then went back to his newspaper. Merry shook his head and then decided to join Pippin. He took a newspaper and started looking through it. Then suddenly he let out a gasp. "Well, would you look at that!" 

Pippin rushed over to Merry and looked at the page he was on. "What is it? What did you find?" Merry shook his head in amazement and said "Imagine that! A crossword puzzle!" Pippin's jaw dropped. "That's it? A crossword puzzle?" Merry grinned at Pippin. "Well, what did you think it was? An article about some axe-murderer? Really, Pippin!" Merry got up and started rummaging through drawers. 

Pippin looked at the newspaper that Merry had been looking at. He found an article cramped in the corner of the page, tiny in comparison to the crossword puzzle. "Oi, Merry, come look at this. This article says that a farmer found two of his goats lying dead with all their blood sucked clean! Merry?" He turned around to look at Merry. "Merry, what are you doing?" 

"I'm looking for a pen! What does it look like?" said Merry as he continued to throw things out of the drawers in his search for a pen. He stopped searching to look at the mess he had made. Just then, he noticed that there was a pen lying on the table amid all the newspapers. He walked over to the table grinning and picked up the pen. "Now, Pip, why didn't you tell me that there was a pen on the table? Making me go through all that trouble- honestly! Sometimes, I just don't know you anymore!"

Pippin folded his arms and smirked at Merry. "You're just changing the subject so you don't have to clean up the mess you've made!" Merry looked at Pippin in feigned shock. "Why, Pippin! What a horrible accusation you've made! I would never change the subject as to get out of trouble! So… what did you say before about a farmer sucking his goats' blood?"

"You're changing the subject again!" Pippin shouted with exasperation. "And I didn't say the farmer sucked his goats' blood! I said the farmer found two of his goats lying dead with all their blood sucked clean!"

Merry rubbed his chin thoughtfully and said, "Yes, isn't that strange. BUT I am sure there is a logical answer explaining it!" He looked at the grandfather clock and sighed. "And now I am going to be late!" 

"Late for what?" Pippin asked, his eyes gleaming with interest. "Well, if you want to know, I was supposed to see Fatty Bolger today at 6:30 but now I surely will not make it to his house in time!" Pippin grinned at Merry. "This is strange… you've never worried about being late in meeting friends, before…" Merry started to put on his jacket. "Well, that is because I've never actually BEEN late in meeting friends!" 

Pippin rolled his eyes at Merry, saying, "Oh, don't be silly, Merry! You have most certainly been late in meeting friends before! But that isn't the point!" Merry arched his eyebrows. "It isn't? Then what is this point you are oh-so-struggling to make?" "I'm not struggling; I'm thinking of my sentence structure! The point, my dear cousin, is that you're only going to see Fatty so that you can see his sister!" And with saying that, Pippin sat down on the couch looking quite smug.

Merry turned towards the door, smiling. "I don't know what you're talking about! Fredegar is a good friend of mine and I do not visit him just so I can be with his sister, who, I may say, is maturing into a lovely young lady!" Pippin stood up, grinning broadly. "I KNEW IT! YOU FANCY FATTY'S SISTER!" A hint of red started to appear on Merry's face. "Oh, I do wish you went back to your bogies and monsters instead of prying into my love-life, Pippin!"

Just then, the grandfather clock sounded that it was six o'clock. "Well, would you look at that! I had better leave before I am any more late!" said Merry as he opened the door and proceeded to exit. Pippin went to the door his grin retracting. "Well, be careful, Merry. You don't know what could be out there." Merry rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Yes, yes! I know! Blood-sucking monstrosities! Don't worry, Pip. I'll be fine. Good bye!" And with that Merry walked off into the darkness. 

Pippin closed the door and sat back at the table. "Now where is my sandwich?"


	2. Chapter 2

Note: Okay, that wasn't a really scary chapter but it's only the beginning so expect it get better soon!

EloraCooper4- I'm glad it made you giggle but FYI it's gonna get scary… SOON! I'm also glad that you know who I'm talking about when I say "Fatty's Sister". It makes me proud to know that there are other people that know about the relationships that the LotR characters had and aren't just making up ridiculous ones. (Honestly, I've read stories where Merry has a girlfriend with a name that has more syllables than "Arwen Undomiel"!)

Crystalgreen- That's right, Becky, you know I have to stick a chupacabra into one my stories SOMEHOW! And here's a little Spanish tip: since "chupacabra" is plural you wouldn't say la chupacabras, you'd say LAS chupacabras. 

Anyhoo, enough of my pointless babbling! Here's the next chapter in this chilling tale (yeah right)…

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Dark Secrets of the Shire

Pippin went back to his newspapers. In an hour he found maybe one or two articles that caught his eyes but both had nothing to do with the paranormal. He looked at the grandfather clock and sighed. It would be another two hours before his parents would return to the Great Smials. Not counting the rest of the Took population that inhabited the Great Smials, he and his three sisters had been left alone by their parents, who had gone to a party of some sort.

Pippin got up and went to the kitchen. His sandwich had mysteriously disappeared and he found himself quite hungry. After all, looking for signs of the paranormal in old newspapers made a hobbit dreadfully hungry. He took out two slices of bread, a nice big slab of cheese, some butter, some bacon, and a ripe tomato and dropped it all on the kitchen table, thinking of which order the food should go in order to create the perfect sandwich. 

After deciding that the butter would go first, Pippin's heart nearly jumped out of his chest as he heard a scratching at the round window to his right. He thought of running away, or hiding, but then reconsidered it; what would his friends say? Eyes wide, full of fear, he walked to the window and looked out. Nothing. 

Pippin went out of the kitchen to the living room and then to the entry hall- it actually wasn't that big of a hall, but no sensible hobbits would ever say that there was a door leading outside that came right out of the living room. He opened the door and looked outside. Still nothing. "Strange…" Pippin muttered to himself. He sighed and was about to close the door when he saw a figure, not much bigger than himself, step out of the shadows. "Pippin! Don't even think of closing that door!"

Pippin felt his heartbeat return to its normal rate as he realized that the figure was actually his eldest sister, Pearl. "Pearl, why are you out here? Why aren't you inside your room reading a book or something like Pimpernel and Pervinca?" Just then he noticed a second figure standing a few feet away from his sister- a masculine figure. "Oh… so I see," he said smirking. 

Pippin's sister grabbed Pippin by the shirt collar and glared at him. "Peregrin Took, if you tell anyone about this-" "Should I leave?" said the other hobbit who was standing in the background fidgeting. Pippin grinned. "Yes, if you don't want all your blood sucked clean!" The hobbit's eyes widened and he started to back away. "Oh, I don't like the sound of that. Uh, I'll see you around, Pearl." And with that he ran off.

Pearl let go of Pippin and glared at him even harder. "PIPPIN! What would instill you to do such a thing? You can't just intervene in my love-life!" Pippin went inside, smiling to himself. "I can when Mum and Dad tell us ALL to stay home and not have any guests over!" Sucking her teeth, Pearl glared even harder (if that is even possible) and stomped into her room, muttering about pesky brothers.

Pippin went back to the kitchen to continue where he left off on his sandwich, snickering to himself all the while. But when he arrived he was shocked to find that the food had disappeared. "Good heavens! Where is all my food going?" he shouted in despair. 

Just then he heard the pattering of small feet along the wooden floor. Biting his lip he turned around… only to face empty air. He let out a sigh of relief and went back to the living room. It was probably just his overactive imagination. All that thinking about the paranormal must have been causing him to hear things, he decreed. 

He decided to take his mind off by going through the genealogy tables. After a while of looking over familiar (and not so familiar) names, Pippin felt himself dozing off. If anyone had happened to have been there at the moment that Pippin fell asleep they would have noticed him muttering "Second cousin, three times removed…" as he did so. But there was NOT anyone there to notice, so his reputation of being a hobbit that doesn't talk in his sleep was safe. However, little did the sleeping Took know that in the corner of the room two little green eyes glimmered like that of emeralds on an Elven blade… a very EVIL Elven blade. And those eyes did not belong to any cat, for the Thain, that is, Pippin's father, was allergic and not very partial to cats.


	3. Chapter 3

Note: I actually planned to make this chapter the second half of the previous chapter but it got rather long so I decided to make this into a chapter all of its own (doesn't the ickle chapter feel special?).

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Dark Secrets of the Shire

Merry walked farther and farther from the warm light of the Great Smials and from Pippin's silly ramblings. It was plenty dark out and rather cold but not as bad as in some parts of the world. Merry wasn't at all scared of the dark or the cold and the only thing he feared was being late. He had indeed been late before but the stakes had never been that high before. Oh, and now the stakes were quite high! For if he was very late Estella, Fatty's sister, might go to sleep, and if she went to sleep, he wouldn't be able to see her, and he wouldn't be able to see her… Merry tried to wipe those thoughts from his mind. After all, it was always better to be optimistic than pesimistic. Besides, worrying could never be healthy. And Merry intended to be healthy! For if he wasn't healthy, he couldn't see Estella, and if he couldn't see Estella…

"Lawks! I'm doing it again!" Merry exclaimed. He shook his head, once more trying to rid his mind of those pesky thoughts and instead he concentrated on getting there. He started walking faster. Only once he started walking faster did he realize that he had Pippin's pen in his pocket. He sighed, feeling the ink on the tip of the pen still wet. It was too late now to turn around and return the pen. He'd have to do it some other time.

Merry was getting tired. Sitting down for a little bit surely couldn't do any harm. So he sat down by the side of the road. Oh, how late he'd be now. But it didn't matter. He would've been late either way. Taking a break would help him gain energy, thus making him go faster, thus making him not late! So he sat. And he thought. And he realized that he didn't have any flowers. He should've brought flowers. "Why didn't I bring flowers?" he thought aloud to himself.

"Late in meetin' yer lass, eh, lad?" croaked a gnarled figure that came out of nowhere. Merry smiled. "Well… yes and no." Merry couldn't see the figure's face for he was covered in a long cloak that wrapped around his bent shape. "No matter, boy. I'll give yeh a lift in me wagon. I'll git yeh t'yer destination in time." For the first time Merry noticed that the old man (which he apparently was) was standing several feet away from an old-looking wagon that was drawn by an old-looking mare with a long, shaggy mane that covered its face. 

He nodded and jumped into the front seat eagerly. The old man slowly pulled himself into the front seat next to Merry. He cracked the horse's reins and off the wagon went. The wagon looked grey, as did the horse and the old man. Merry found this somewhat peculiar but as long as he was getting a free ride that's all that mattered. That thought brought another thought to his mind. "So, how much is this ride going to cost me, sir?" Merry asked the man. "Oh, don't yeh worry yerself with numbers! The ride's on me," the old man answered as he stared ahead into the darkness. "Well, that's very kind of you but I insist on paying!" None of the Brandybucks had empty pockets and Merry wanted to take advantage of that. "Nonsense! I'm givin' yeh a free ride and that's that!"

Merry finally gave his consent and decided that this was a good chance for a smoke. He took out his pipe and a match from his tinderbox and within several seconds he was puffing away contentedly.

The wagon wasn't going very fast. In fact it was going rather slow. But within an amazing span of time that most hobbits would call "unnatural" the wagon stopped in front of the Bolger Residence. "Well, here we are, lad. But before yeh leave, reach into the back o' me wagon." Merry followed the old man's instructions. He reached into the back of the wagon and pulled out a bouquet of sweet smelling flowers. Merry was speechless. "Well, don't just stand there with yer mouth gapin' wide open, young'n! Go on and meet with yer friends! They're probably waitin' for yeh as it is!"

Merry climbed out of the wagon and started walking to the door. "Oh, I almost forgot- thanks for the ride and the flowers, too!" But when Merry turned around the wagon, complete with old man and horse, was gone. "How peculiar." He proceeded to knock on the door and he could hear Fatty's voice inside shouting "Estella, get the door!" and Estella's voice shouting back "But it's probably just one of your friends!"

As Bucklanders were the only hobbits to lock their doors, Merry knew that the door would be unlocked. Knowing that he opened the door and poked his head through. "Well, Estella, that is exactly why you SHOULD have opened the door!" 

Estella blushed and said, "Hello, Merry." With that said she ran into her room blushing crimson. Seeing his sister running by, Fatty came out of the kitchen, holding onto a slab of cheese. "Hallo, Merry! Care for some cheese?" Merry shook his head and then suddenly his ears twitched and he was still. Noticing Merry's sudden strange behavior, Fatty said, "Merry, are you all right?" Merry snapped out his trance and looked at Fatty. "Yes, it's just… well, you might think I'm crazy but I could have sworn that I heard someone saying 'You're welcome' to me!" Fatty shrugged. "I haven't heard anything." Looking at Merry and then at his cheese, he asked again, "So… care for some cheese?"


End file.
